You get along so well and love spending time together, so why not become friends with benefits? Before you add intimacy to the mix, find out whether you're willing to risk that friendship if the sex goes sour.
Two out of three college students in a recent survey said they"ve been involved in a "friends with benefits" relationship, and more than a third (36 percent) are currently in one, according to research published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.
When the college students were asked about their experience and perspective on friends-with-benefits relationships, they noted that they worried about the future of their friendship, but the majority who had been in such a relationship still had never really talked with their friend/lover about the implications of adding sex to the mix. Friendships successfully transitioned to full-fledged romance only about 10 percent of the time, and more than 25 percent of the arrangements led to the end of the friendship. Those might not be the odds you"re willing to bet on.
"If people are just hooking up to have a sex partner and like each other but don"t have much more in common than sex, it"s probably not a very good idea," notes marriage and family counselor Scott Johnson, PhD, director of the Marriage & Family Therapy PhD Program at the Family Therapy Center of Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Va.
If you value your friend yet think you"re feeling a sex spark, consider these pros and cons to find out whether it"s worth risking your friendship for sex.
Friends to Lovers: The Pros
- He or she could be "the one."
- Sex is fun and good for you.
- Trust and caring is a good start.
- You can stay single.
Friends to Lovers: The Cons
- Pregnancy and STDs.
- Breaking up is hard to do.
Friends to Lovers: First Steps
Even with a good pal you"ve known for years, love is still a gamble - nothing can guarantee that this relationship will work out over the long run. But if you"re feeling sparks and want to see whether there"s something there, take these steps to build a strong relationship:
- Go on real dates.
- Don"t leap into bed.
- Talk with a couples counselor.
- See whether you can live with each other"s flaws.
Friends with benefits might sound like fun, but it could end up costing you both your friendship, and it rarely develops into a long-term romance. Carefully consider the risk before you take the plunge.