Does the idea of talking to your kids about sex make you skittish? Have no fear — this expert guide can help you do it right.
Oh, the dreaded sex talk — whether it’s prompted by your child’s never-ending inquisitions (“Mom, where do babies come from?”) or an uncomfortable moment on TV (“What is that boy doing to that girl?”), nothing makes parents feel quite as awkward as discussing the birds and the bees with their kids.
In fact, the conversation leaves some parents so tongue-tied, they omit the most important talking points or skip the chat all together. A recent survey of more than 1,000 adults conducted by Planned Parenthood and New York University’s Center for Latino Adolescent and Family Health found that about 82 percent of parents have talked to their teens about sex. However, the survey also pinpointed some potentially serious gaps. For instance, though 94 percent of parents said they believe they influence whether or not their children use birth control, only 60 percent said they had talked with their youngsters about it.
But the clock may be ticking. “Parents don’t want to think about kids having sex, but some kids are now having sex in junior high school, and the parents don’t even know what’s going on,” says Lorraine Mitchell, PhD, a board-certified sex therapist.
What’s the right age to have the conversation? According to Carol Clark, PhD, a board-certified sex therapist, there’s no such thing as starting to talk about sex too early. “When kids are little, they feel pleasure touching themselves," she notes. "This occurs before 5 years old, and they're going to ask questions. One of the problems is that we get hung up because we only view our genitals as having to do with sex — we don’t see them as parts of our bodies.”
Ideally, there shouldn’t be just one sex talk — rather, there should be multiple talks throughout a child’s life, Dr. Clark adds.
These expert tips can ensure it is a valuable experience for both of you.
Talking With Younger Kids About Sex
Discuss sexual health as a natural part of life.
Use TV as in icebreaker.
Prep your kids for puberty.KidsHealth.org
Be prepared.
Talking With Tweens and Teens About Sex
Start chatting before it’s too late.
Don’t be judgmental.
Make sure you have his full attention.
Be honest about the tough topics.
Don’t give TMI.