Many couples go through periods where they're not having sex – and sometimes that's not an issue. But if it is, discovering what's behind a sexual dry spell can help you find strategies to increase your sexual satisfaction.
Everything from anxiety to painful sex can lead couples into a sexual dry spell — an extended period without sex lasting for months, or even years. “It’s not all that uncommon,” says Ann Hartlage, PhD, psychologist and director of the Marital and Sex Therapy Program at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.
At the beginning of a relationship, virtually everyone says sex is great, Hartlage says. “When you’re first in a sexual relationship, the barriers between you are coming down, and you’re discovering a new person, and there are no fears of intimacy for most people,” she explains. “It’s very exciting to first be with the person.”
Then the excitement wears off, and sometimes people don’t make the transition to a deeper relationship or realize that it takes work to keep sex and the relationship alive, Hartlage says.
Getting to the Root of Your Sexual Problem
Although there are a number of reasons a relationship may be without sex, three common themes tend to come up, says Philip A. Rutter, PhD, an assistant professor in the human sexuality program at Widener University in Chester, Pa., and a relationship/sex therapist in private practice in Philadelphia.
A previous negative experience.
The arrival of a baby.
Relationship conflicts.
From No Sex to Becoming Intimate Again
Once you’ve identified what the problem is, you can begin the work of becoming intimate again.
See a doctor if you need to.
Open up communication.
Make time for each other.
Ease into intimacy.
Use videos, books, or toys to get in the mood.Sinclair Institute’s website
Consider other ways to be intimate.
Resolve conflicts.
Tuesday, September 29, 2020